One-stop shopping for divorce: From lawyers to matchmakers
— -- In the same way that brides consult 1,000 people along their path to bliss, from cake makers to DJs, divorcing couples have a ton of people to meet as they disembark from their marital joy ride.
Enter "Start Over Smart," a divorce expo that took place in New York City recently. It was a lot like a bridal expo — with less cake and more lawyers.
The expo was the brainchild of Francine Baras and Nicole Baras Feuer, a mother-daughter team who have both been touched by divorce. Baras was a child of divorce at a time when it was a scarlet letter, even for the children. Some other children weren't allowed to play with her. She is now a child and family therapist. Baras Feuer is a professional mediator who herself has been through divorce.
"Bridal magazines are all over the place. There's no divorce magazine, no divorce community, so a lot of people just rely on information from their attorney," Baras Feuer said. She and her mom had already started writing a book to help guide divorcees through the process when they heard about a divorce expo in Paris. They spoke with their publisher and realized starting an expo here in the U.S. made sense — to gather even more information before they wrote their book.
The divorce expo was a two-day affair that included a variety of panel discussions, from guidelines for parents and divorce for Baby Boomers to how to get back in the dating game and sex after divorce.
Hey, now don't get squeamish on me — If you've been with the same person for five, 10 or 20 years, you're going to need a few tips. Your waistline is different now, your hairline is different, your dating pool is different — and dating is different.
There were about 40 exhibitors that ran the gamut, including lawyers, financial advisers, therapists, life coaches, dieticians, anti-aging companies, a hair stylist to the stars, a matchmaker and even a woman who will help you investigate a future date.
Morgan Stanley had a booth, with a glossy brochure that said, "Weathering Divorce," as did a woman who, for $500, will hold a "divorce ceremony," where you write words that remind you of your ex on a piece of paper and then burn them to help you move on.
"People often don't know the questions to ask about finances when they get a divorce," said Mark Seruya, financial advisor with Morgan Stanley. "People wind up getting referrals from parents or friends. Your father's financial adviser might not be the right fit," he said. "It's a fragmented market. We want to be one of the go-to teams in the divorce industry."
Evidence that people really don't know the right questions to ask a financial adviser: Seruya said one of the strangest questions he got all day was, "Can you hire a detective to scour my ex's emails?"
Indeed, you can hire a detective to investigate your ex or or your future date — for instance, someone like Maria Coder of InvestiDate, who also had a booth there — but Seruya said you don't need to go through Morgan Stanley to do it!
And guys, if you're wondering where all the single ladies are, we found 'em — the Divorce Expo was a total cougar party! The breakdown was about 70% female to 30% male. Even the panel discussion, "Getting to the Other Side of Divorce: For Men," had more women than men attending. And, c'mon, that makes sense: Ladies, not men, stop and ask for directions when they're driving — divorce is no exception! Divorce is a lot harder than, say, going camping.
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