Book Excerpt: 'Stepwives'

Sept. 16 -- The authors of Stepwives, Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood and Louise Oxhorn, know their subject intimately. Once bitter enemies, the two came together to create a 10-step program to help ex-wives and stepmothers build a better relationship, and start putting the children first.

Together with Marjorie Vego Krausz, they've written Stepwives: 10 Steps to Help Ex-Wives and Stepmothers End the Struggle and Put the Kids First. Here is an excerpt.

Introduction

Stepmother. Ex-wife. Just the words are enough to make anybody roll their eyes, take a deep breath, and offer their condolences. But no matter which one you are, stepmother or ex-wife, once you've assumed one of these roles, the two of you are in each other's lives, for better or for worse. What exactly is your relationship?

To date, no name has been given to this relationship that millions of women are involved in. To answer this need, we've created the word stepwife. And since you're reading this book, you are probably a stepwife yourself, trying to make sense of the confusion caused when two women have been married to the same man.

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We are stepwives: the ex-wife and current wife of the same man, mother and stepmother to the same child, destined to drag each other through the happiest and saddest occasions life presents. We've even been cursed with the same initials.

Had you asked us even a few years ago if we would ever willingly be in the same room, let alone write an entire book together, our answer would have been a simultaneous, "No way!" We were two women who loathed each other, locked in an intense battle for power and position for over a decade. Even after Lynne married Paul, our situation still did not get better. There seemed to be no way out.

Through it all, somehow we managed to put our (step)son, Evan, first, rarely behaving badly in front of him. In fact, teachers and parents would continually remark on just how civilized we were, how well adjusted he was. Little did they realize it was a completely different story behind closed doors. Then we let each other know just what our true feelings were and how much we hated being in each other's lives.