Jay McGraw Follows Dad's Lead

Nov. 28, 2003 -- Dr. Phil, America's favorite tough-talking TV shrink, doles out no-holds-barred therapy before millions of couch patients. But Dr. Phil has some competition these days — from his son Jay.

Watch Deborah Roberts' full report on 20/20, Friday at 10 p.m.

Dr. Phil's "quit whining and just do it" motto may work on the adult crowd, but Jay's gentler approach gets sullen teenagers to open up.

"If you think about my dad walking into a room full of teenagers, you know, he looks like the dad, the principal, the teacher, the authoritarian. You get a very different response when my dad walks into the room, versus when I walk into the room," Jay said.

Appearing regularly on his dad's talk show, Jay, 24, is emerging as the newest authority in the afternoon dose of self-help. But how can a guy who's so young dole out advice on life?

Life Lessons at Home

Jay says he's gotten years of experience learning and living his father's strategies on how to take charge of life.

"People say he's very tough, but if you really pay attention, he's equally as supportive, and he's always got a good answer that makes sense," Jay said of his dad's tough-talking style. Even during his teen years, Jay said, his dad's demeanor was a help, not a hindrance. "He sets the bar very high, and that's something that I enjoy," he said.

Setting the bar high seems to run in the family DNA. Grandfather Joe McGraw once plunged the family into poverty by going back to school to study psychology, later becoming a success. His son Phil got the message: Life is about sacrifice and hard work. He's instilled those lessons in his own sons, Jay and Jordan.

"I've always told our boys that they had two jobs that I really wanted 'em to do: Job one was to get an education and job two was to have a lot of fun. Those were the two jobs, in that order," he said.

And Jay McGraw heeded his dad's advice — particularly the "have a lot of fun" command.

Dr. Phil has described Jay this way on his show: "If he couldn't bounce it, catch it, throw it or date it or eat it, he had no interest in it. … I mean he just really has always enjoyed life. It was like you had to tie the boy down to get him to read a book."

Jay says he learned lessons about effort and determination on the basketball court that would stick with him. By his senior year of high school, Jay cracked down, graduating with honors. The fierce McGraw drive was kicking in.

His father, meanwhile, was morphing from psychologist Dr. McGraw into Dr. Phil, appearing on The Oprah Winfrey Show with his homey brand of self help and then spinning it off into his own show and best-selling books.

Peer-to-Peer Self-Help

When Dr. Phil's publisher asked him to try his hand at self-help books for young people, Jay stepped in, Phil said. "He said, 'Hey, wait a minute. You're gonna write a book for my friends?! … You haven't seen hair in 30 years.' "

Jay recalls the meeting. "You know, you can't have a bald man write a book for teenagers, and I said, 'Yeah, let me try it. Let me give it a shot.' "

Jay's touch was golden. His version of his dad's Life Strategies book came complete with playful illustrations and kid-friendly advice on things like dealing with peer pressure and managing annoying parents.

Suddenly the kid who rarely cracked a textbook had a best seller at age 19.

What does a 19-year-old know about writing a book?

"A 19-year-old knows what another 19-year-old is going through," Jay said. "And this particular 19-year-old had gotten a lot of answers from his parents."

His parents haven't just given him answers; they've also given him a cushy life. Jay has enjoyed the rewards of Dr. Phil's empire, a far cry from his dad's hardscrabble roots.

Dr. Phil thinks Jay's character and talents won't be compromised by his privileged upbringing. "I think he's his own man. I think you develop your character in different ways. I don't think I had to go through what I went though to develop the character that makes me a responsible father and husband. And so, him not going through it, I don't think is a material omission."

Though he's better known as Dr. Phil's son, Jay is quickly carving out his own identity, grabbing the spotlight as one of People magazine's most eligible bachelors and becoming a hot property for publishers. He's just adapted Dr. Phil's best-selling The Ultimate Weight Solution for teens, a group facing an epidemic problem with obesity.

He Talks to You Like a Friend

Though he's never struggled with weight himself, he says he worked hard to put together a book he thinks will be helpful for overweight kids. "I've recruited a team of doctors, nutritionists and psychologists and I really did the background work to make sure that this book was sound, that this book was correct and that this book would work," he said.

Nutritionist Lisa Dorfman has read both Dr. Phil's and Jay's books, and she says Jay has what it takes to get through to kids.

"Kids are always being preached at. They're always being told what to do — to clean their room, to come to dinner, to do their homework," Dorfman said. "And I think they've had enough. So what's really nice about Jay's book is he kind of shares some good information with them without being preachy."

But will kids buy advice on weight management just because it's offered by a young guy? A group of overweight teens we spoke with seemed very receptive to Jay's message.

"He talks to us, more so on our level. … He talks to you as if he was your friend," said a girl named Portia.

"It made me realize things about myself that I had not thought about," said Katherine, another girl in the group. "Such as the bullying part. I realized that the biggest bully in my life was myself. … I realized it was putting me down and hindering me from losing weight because I was telling myself that I couldn't."

Making His Own Way

Jay may have gotten his big break from his dad, but he is no freeloader. Jay is finishing up his last year of law school in Dallas, looking into writing his next book, and in his spare time he's holding his own with his famous father.

"I know for a fact that I wouldn't be where I am, or who I am, if it weren't for my dad," Jay said. "But I also know that I wouldn't be who I am, and where I am, if it weren't for my mom. They've raised me a certain way. They have helped me become the person that I am. And that is a big deal to me. Now I also know that nobody would read this book if they didn't know about it. And I have a great place to tell them about it. And that's my dad's show."