Ongoing Election Jokes
Nov. 17, 2000 -- Got e-mail? Then no doubt you are being flooded with mock ballots, quips and cartoons poking fun at everyone and everything from the Florida voters to candidates Gore and Bush to the ever-elusive chad — whether hanging, dimpled or pregnant.
These references, previously obscure, are now as infamous as O.J.’s glove.
The political jokes are flying faster than the presidential votes can be counted as talk-show hosts and average Americans attempt to make sense of this bizarre election.
“I’m inundated, I must have gotten over 20 to 25 versions of the ballots …, If I hear one more hanging chad joke I’m going to hit somebody,” says standup comedian Barry Weintraub, who staged his own mock campaign. As candidate Barry Who, he urged folks to vote.
Weintraub admits the never-ending election is a comic’s dream. “I wish I could have planned for this,” he says. “I would have been working on stage through all of this.”
As Al Gore and George W. Bush sweat it out, Weintraub pumps out a daily broadcast e-mail composed of mock headlines, such as: “Democrats to demand recount by hand … Republicans offer only their middle finger.”
Ballot Squiggles, Dancing Candidates
The mayhem has given rise to some of the best material David Letterman and Jay Leno have ever had. Even the usually surly Grinch is getting involved. The green villain of the new Jim Carrey flick, Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas, just might be upstaged for laughs by some writers at Politically Incorrect, who came up with a Seussian-inspired vote count:
Should we count them with a band? Should we count them all by hand? If I do not like the count, I will simply throw them out!
That poem circulated the Net without even being used in a broadcast, according to Weintraub, a friend of the writers. “I asked them how this got all over the Internet — they had no idea,” he says.
Some previously unknown comics are also becoming stars. A 26-year-old engineer from upstate New York came up with a sarcastic version of the Palm Beach County ballot. The simple drawing pokes fun at the complaints over the “butterfly” ballot, which many voters complained caused them to vote for the wrong candidate by accident. Here, Bush backers are clearly directed toward one dot for their vote, compared to a series of confusing squiggles for the rest of the candidates.
Collins told ABCNEWS.com he designed the image in less than a half-hour. He then sent the e-mail to about 30 friends before heading to the hospital, where his sister was about to give birth to his new niece.
By the time he got home from the hospital the next day, Collins had 200 e-mails in his inbox, and he soon found traffic to his Web site, Taterbrains.com, jump from about 200 hits a day to 50,000. He also says he’s getting e-mail (with photos) from ladies who think he might be a fun date.
“I sent it out at 9:47 p.m. on Nov. 8 and at 11:30 a.m. the next day I had an offer from the Detroit Free Press to run it in their paper, so that’s how fast it got [sent around],” he says.
His cartoon has since run in a German paper and The Times of London, which paid the first-time cartoonist $200. “Typically I’m just taking whatever they offer … up until now I never had a price,” says Collins.
And as you might expect, college students also fancy themselves wits. Brothers Ian and David Broyles are stirring up a dance craze on the Web with their animated Gore and Bush doing the twist, with flailing arms and wiggling booties.
Ian Broyles says it took about nine hours to edit the footage for what is having a far longer shelf life on TVdance.com. “We’ve had an incredible response … [users’] overloaded our server,” says the 19-year-old. He says their traffic has tripled since the vote count began, topping a million hits.
Save Room for the Pros
And the election chaos has the pros quipping as well. Jay Leno, host of NBC’s Tonight show, commented, “Today a boatload of Florida residents in search of democracy washed up in Cuba.”
CBS’ Late Show host David Letterman pondered the necessity of a commander in chief. His Nov. 9 Top 10 List ranking “What would be different without a president” included:
“Instead of going to Iowa and New Hampshire every four years, no one would go to Iowa and New Hampshire ever,” Letterman said.
He also added, “White House interns would be reduced to having sex with eachother.”
Faux international figures are putting in their two cents’ worth as well. An item published on The Onion Web site and now being e-mailed around has Yugoslavia’s leader vowing to give the United States the same assistance other countries have provided his nation in holding fair elections:
“Serbian President Vojislav Kostunica deployed more than 30,000 peacekeeping troops to the U.S. Monday. ‘We must do all we can to support free elections in America and allowdemocracy to gain a foothold there.’”
Certainly most Americans would prefer to have this election come to an end, even if it means fewer jokes. But if the stalemate cannot be broken, one British joke offers up a simple solution:
“In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties overall states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which shedoes not fancy.
“Among the rules for British living, There is no such thing as ‘U.S. English.’ We will let Microsoft know on your behalf … July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a newnational holiday, but only in England. It will be called ‘Indecisive Day.’”