Lennon Killer Tells Board 'I Deserve Prison'

A L B A N Y, N. Y., Oct. 11, 2000 -- Mark David Chapman told a parole board lastweek he deserves to be in prison for his “despicable” killing ofJohn Lennon and that he nearly skipped his parole hearing afterfinally realizing how much pain he caused Yoko Ono.

Chapman repeatedly told the three-member parole panel during a50-minute interview on Oct. 3 at Attica state prison that “I don’teven deserve to be here” — meaning alive — while Lennon is dead.

“I believe once you take a person’s life, there’s no way youcan make up for that. Period,” Chapman, 45, said. “And I’m luckyto be alive.”

The board denied parole for Chapman, who is serving a20-year-to-life sentence for murder. He will be eligible foranother parole hearing in October 2002.

Impact of Ono Comments

Chapman said he read comments by Ono, Lennon’s widow, over thesummer in which she said she began shaking uncontrollably afterChapman shot Lennon to death as the couple was about to enter theirManhattan apartment building in 1981.

“I think for the first time I really realized, you know, thepain that I caused,” Chapman said. “I mean, here’s a person thatcan’t control their body, and that really hit home. … I felt herpain then, and I can honestly say I didn’t even want to feel it upuntil then. It’s a horrible thing to, you know, realize what you’vedone.”

For a time after reading that, Chapman said he was going todecline to appear at his first parole hearing, but then changed hismind.

“You have a right to talk to me,” Chapman told the paroleboard. “You have a right to know what happened. We’re accountableto the people, to talk.”

‘I Have No Right to Ask …’Chapman also repeatedly stressed to the board that he was notseeking to be released.

“If you wanted to set me free, that’s up to you,” Chapmansaid. “I don’t have a right to ask you that, and I’m not goingto.”

Chapman’s parole hearing was closed to the press and public. Thestate Division of Parole made the board’s brief decision denyingChapman freedom public about four hours after his hearing lastweek, and the transcript of the interview was released today bythe division under a Freedom of Information request from TheAssociated Press and other news outlets.

The board denied Chapman parole because his crime was“calculated and unprovoked,” committed without thought toLennon’s family or fans, and because Chapman has not undergone anyanti-aggression or anti-violence treatment while in state prison.

According to the transcript of Chapman’s hearing, Lennon was notthe only celebrity he was thinking of killing in 1981. “I didthink of harming some people,” Chapman said, citing a “substitutelist” of two or three other names to the parole board which wereblacked out by state officials in the hearing transcript releasedby the state today.

“After premeditating the murder of him in my mind, I’mthinking, if I can’t get him, here’s you know, a list of people,”Chapman said.

‘Vanity, Jealousy, and Stupidity’He cited various emotions as being behind his decision to shootLennon, including “vanity,” “jealousy,” “anger,”“resentment” and “stupidity.” Chapman said he was hearing a“small voice” just before he killed Lennon urging him to shootthe ex-Beatle.

“Who was that voice, do you think?” Chapman was asked byParole Commissioner W. William Smith Jr.

“Probably something very evil,” Chapman replied.

At another point, Chapman said, “I was feeling like I wasworthless, and maybe the root of it is a self-esteem issue,” hesaid. “I felt like nothing, and I felt if I shot him, I wouldbecome something, which is not true at all.”

Chapman said later, “I do wish I was a big nobody again.”

In a letter to the parole board, Ono urged that Chapman bedenied freedom for the protection of herself, Lennon’s two sons andChapman himself. She suggested that a “strongly distressed”Lennon fan might seek to harm Chapman because he was alive and freewhile Lennon is dead.

Chapman told the parole board neither Ono nor Lennon’s sonswould be in danger from him if he is released.

“I’ve heard that she feels I would harm her and her children.That’s absolutely not true,” Chapman said. “I never had thatthought, and I would not harm her or her children. … I don’t havethat in me anymore, and it’s gone, but unfortunately, it involved aperson.”

On Monday, about 200 people gathered around John Lennon’s staron Hollywood’s Walk of Fame to commemorate what would have been his60th birthday.